What is the fourth trimester and why is it so hard?
When we think about growing a baby, we often think of it ending after three trimesters and with the birth of a child. But what really happens during babies first three months of life? Well, according to Dr. Harvey Karp, the baby is longing for life as they knew it inside the womb. Sometimes understanding what to expect and why this period can be so hard can allow you to feel more prepared and equipped.
During the first three months of life, your baby is likely seeking out anything that feels like being in the womb—warmth, movement and noise, and dim light. Life outside the womb can be a stark adjustment (for both mom and baby), which is why it can be so extremely exhausting and overwhelming. Your infant likely wants to be fed constantly (or at least it feels that way) and still doesn’t quite have a grasp on differentiating day and night. Life outside the womb can also be overstimulating, causing baby to be fussy and difficult to soothe. On top of that, baby’s inability to make consistent eye contact and smile (intentionally) can make feeling connected to them really hard.
The body’s adjustment following birth involves physical and emotional recovery. It’s a time when the body is experiencing an influx of hormones and possibly breastmilk, all while your organs are trying to make their way back to their pre-pregnancy size and positions and the perineal area and/or c-section incision is healing. The fatigue and sleep deprivation can also be accompanied by emotional ups and downs or even “baby blues”.
While the initial 12-week period can feel as though it drags on and on, you can get through it, it just may require some strategies for coping and support. Some suggestions include:
Prioritize self-care. Self-care during the postpartum period means making sure you’re doing the basics—eating a balanced diet, drinking plenty of water and fluids, and getting some well-needed (and well-deserved) rest. It can be tempting to do chores around the house while baby naps, but consider if it might be more beneficial for you to take a snooze too
Connect with other new parents. Adjusting to and learning the ropes of parenthood can be a lonely and isolating experience. Talking to other new parents who are going through a similar experience gives you an opportunity to share about what you’re going through and get support. Support groups for new parents exist locally and online.
Ask for help. It’s easy to want and think that you can do it all. And you probably can, but you don’t have to. We know that it takes a village to raise a baby and unfortunately the way our culture and society functions today doesn’t necessarily provide parents with the resources they need. If you have a partner, close friends, or relatives who can offer a hand, let them. It may be doing some simple chores like folding laundry, washing a bottle, or providing a meal.
Know what’s “normal” and what’s not. Fluctuating emotions can be normal as you experience various hormonal changes after birth. It’s not uncommon for women to experience the baby blues, which is typically a period of up to two weeks in which a woman experiences mood swings and tearfulness. If you find that your emotions feel distressing or overwhelming and start to interfere with your ability to care for yourself and your child, it may be an indication to ask for additional support and get screened for a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder. Your OBGYN or a mental health practitioner can assist you with screening and assessment as well as treatment recommendations.
