The Best Medicine for New Parents: Sleep
You’ve probably heard more times than you can count to “get as much sleep as you can before the baby gets here.” If only it worked that way and we could “bank” our sleep for times when we really need it. While sleep deprivation is to some degree, somewhat normal during the newborn stage, there are ways that we can ameliorate the negative effects of sleep deprivation. Sleep is especially important because when we don’t get adequate sleep, we put ourselves at increased risk for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. While the newborn phase surely won’t be a time when you get your best sleep there are ways to get better sleep than you might imagine.
Why “sleep when the baby sleeps” doesn’t always work:
There are a number of reasons this can be challenging for new parents. One is that sleep is a physiological function, which unfortunately means we can’t necessarily force ourselves to sleep during times that our body isn’t programmed to sleep. So if you find yourself having trouble taking a 10am nap when your baby naps this is one reason. Of course, if you are exhausted and you can get some shut eye, go for it.
Another factor is that it’s likely that when the baby is sleeping it may be what feels like the only time you have to yourself or time to, say, wash the bottles, fold the laundry, shower, feed yourself. Newborns have a lot of needs and sometimes when they sleep it’s one of the very few opportunities we may have to take care of ourselves.
While sleep is often considered a “luxury” rather than a necessity for new parents, that's not the case. As I previously mentioned, sleep is a physiological need and our body cannot function without it. And while we may not get the most optimal sleep during those first few months we can do things to ensure we’re getting enough to protect our mental and physical health.
One of the biggest reasons we often don’t feel rested is because of the frequent wakings during the night to feed our baby. While you may get 9 hours of sleep in total, when that sleep is fragmented and disrupted by several wakings it prevents our bodies from completing sleep cycles and the deep stages of sleep that allow us to feel rested and re-charged. This means that getting two chunks of four hours of sleep will feel drastically different than getting four two-hour chunks of sleep. And in practicality this might mean taking turns or shifts with a partner or support person during the night so that you can minimize the amount of wakings for each of you. If you have no choice but to wake up because you have to feed the baby, you can take measures to avoid fully waking yourself up such as have partner bring the baby to you so that you don’t have to get out of bed, keep the lights dim, and avoid doing anything stimulating such as turning on the t.v. or scrolling on your phone.This will allow your brain to stay in a state of rest and make it easier for you to get back to sleep once you’re done feeding.
If your difficulties sleeping are due to worry, inability to relax, or difficulty quieting your mind you may have to be especially intentional about sleep hygiene. This may mean creating a routine for yourself that is soothing and relaxing. THis could include a hot cup of decaffeinated tea, a skincare routine, reading, or engaging in a mindfulness activity. There are also numerous apps with sleep meditations and guided relaxation exercises. A podcast I often recommend to my patients is called “Nothing Much Happens” and apps include Calm, Oak, and Insight Timer. THe more you can do to create a bedtime routine for yourself (just like you probably do for your baby), the more your brain will begin to associate these practices with sleep and start releasing the hormones and chemicals that allow you to feel sleepy.
If you’ve tried all the sleep hygiene techniques and still have difficulty sleeping it may be wise to reach out to a therapist that specializes in sleep disorders as there are evidence-based therapies (e.g., Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia) that are highly effective.
