Postpartum Rage: Understanding Anger in Early Motherhood
Motherhood is often depicted as a blissful time filled with newborn snuggles, bonding with baby, and joy as you watch your baby grow and meet new developmental milestones. Unfortunately, for many new mothers, that’s not often the reality of what motherhood feels like.
You’ve probably heard of postpartum depression and anxiety. But some moms experience a type of anger and irritability during the postpartum period that isn’t quite captured in anxiety and depression.
Postpartum rage often looks like:
A tendency to scream or yell more than usual
Experiencing anger that is out of proportion to the situation or event
Difficulty controlling your temper
Feeling irritable and like you may snap at any given moment
While postpartum rage is often thought to be depression that’s manifested in the form of anger, rather than sadness there still isn’t a lot of research on this phenomenon.
A study by researchers in British Columbia (Ou & Hall, 2018) found that anger tends to be a common symptom of postpartum depression.
So, what does anger in early motherhood tend to be about?
The truth is it can vary. Sometimes it’s directly tied to a woman’s responsibilities as a mother (i.e., having to wake several times per night to feed a hungry baby or trying to soothe a baby whose crying for an extended period). The anger or irritability can also be in response to things that don’t relate to one’s role as a mother. Unmet expectations of what motherhood “should” look like can be another source of feelings of rage. It’s not often until women become mothers themselves that they realize how undervalued the role of mothers is, especially in the U.S. But it’s not surprising that we’re angry at resentful considering how much our country lacks in supporting mothers and families.
What to do if you’re struggling with postpartum rage:
Identify and practice strategies for regulating and calming your nervous system. Going for a walk or doing some deep breathing can work wonders.
It might also be helpful to find an outlet to communicate your emotions—try journaling or confiding in a trusted support person.
Seek support: whether it’s reaching out for therapy, joining a local or online support group, or talking with your doctor, sharing your experience with someone can help you feel less alone.
