Mom guilt and how to manage
Let’s be honest here… If you’re a mom there’s no doubt you’ve experienced guilt related to your role as a mother at some point. With the insurmountable expectations and demands put on mothers its almost inherent that we feel guilt for not being able to do it all. Perhaps it’s because you’ve done something “wrong” or committed a parenting blunder you aren’t proud of. And while guilt is a common feeling during motherhood, it can build up and lead to that “not good enough” feeling that we all so desperately want to avoid.
It's important to differentiate between shame and guilt. Guilt is often a feeling that comes up in response to doing something “wrong” while shame tends to be a more internalized feeling of being bad, wrong, worthless, a failure, etc. Guilt can often provide us with a useful learning experience when we ask ourselves if we are feeling guilty because we acted in a way that is misaligned with our values. Then we can consider what we might do to re-engage with that value. For example, …
Shame can cause us to spiral into a myriad of other painful emotions if we aren’t careful to notice it and address it. Here are a few tips to start dismantling some of the beliefs or feelings contributing to shame and guilt.
Identify the expectations you’ve set out for yourself and try to decipher how realistic these expectations are.
Write down or verbalize how you might respond to someone you care for who was struggling with all the expectations that she feels responsible for.
Try imparting some of these same words towards yourself and notice where you get stuck and perhaps why.
Return to your list of expectations and identify any in which additional support would help you. Also take inventory of how your expectations do (and don’t) align with your personal values.
Practice affirmations that reinforce that you are not alone with these struggles. And most importantly, you are enough.
